Changing behaviour requires changing those deep-rooted beliefs and values which is difficult.

Let’s start with simple ones – for example, you watch those zillion Youtube videos that talks about ‘what you should eat’, ‘how you should sit’, ‘what you should wear’ – you get motivated, you try it out once, you probably try it another time and if you are supercharged the third time over, but you ultimately don’t stick to it.

Do you know why?

Because changing habits isn’t superficial. It is deeper than we could imagine. And no even 21 days philosophy wouldn’t work if we don’t understand the science behind it. Our behaviour is deep-rooted in our values and beliefs. And deep down if we don’t change that, we can’t change our habits permanently. We can’t stick to that routine.

Let me explain it with a few examples

1. You see the video that talks about the benefits of giving up sugar, you are motivated and you do that Monday through to Wednesday but the mid-week urge is now killing you and unless you have a very strong will power you give in to that urge.
2. You see this amazing morning routine by Elon Musk and you want to follow suit. Now this time around you are very committed and you want to stick to it no matter what. You do it for a few weeks and if you are so committed to it, you also compromise the weekend binge. But what happens next? It results in you feeling sluggish on a few mornings. And now you don’t get to have those eggs or avocadoes for breakfast because Elon Musk doesn’t have breakfast, so acidity kicks in and suddenly you drop it the next morning.

Merely mimicking certain habits without imbibing the drivers – the values and the principles behind them is similar to mindlessly aping someone because we like them. And, that is why, change is not sustainable. Because when this newfound habit becomes more of a task that you need to fulfil; the motivation slowly goes down until it completely wears off and you go back to your old habits.

I shall give another personal example and see if you can relate to this – I think I have a decent fashion sense, nothing too jazzy or nothing too out of style, out of fashion. But there are times when I am quite motivated with my Instagram feed or Pinterest handles that I shall buy these extravagant outfits that I wouldn’t have otherwise bought. Also, bear in mind, I am fully convinced then, that I shall wear them and pull it off as well.

However a few days later it was just lying in my wardrobe, a few weeks later it has gone to bottom run of the wardrobe, a few months later, I actually wear it. Hurray! Okay, I wear it just once (because I don’t wish to feel guilty of not even removing the price tag) and that’s it. I never wear it again and it is just rotting there. I am sure you can relate to this, especially if you are a female, you might have experienced this at some point.

Now, the point I didn’t realise was, I have a dressing style – I choose comfort over trend and I love to go basic. A jeans-and-a-tee would top my list always. So when I buy something that doesn’t necessarily be comfortable enough or requires too much effort, I would seldom wear it. So, without even realising – subconsciously I had discarded it right when I bought it.

Now, what is the reason to do this?

“I was trying to copy someone on my Instagram feed but I didn’t realise I wouldn’t be able to copy their persona, their style and their attitude. “

That is simply not me. And no one tells you that. I have watched numerous videos on style, clothing, photography but they don’t stick because they don’t match my personality type. It requires a conscious effort to change behaviours and it doesn’t happen overnight. Even if it does it doesn’t necessarily stick.

Now the same holds good in the previous two examples that I have quoted.

• Giving up sugar because others have been doing it wouldn’t be sustainable.
• Giving it up because you read about it and just want to try it out wouldn’t be sustainable either.
• Giving it up because you want to prove it to someone is no good either

So what would?

Any change requires you to change your fundamental beliefs and values. It isn’t easy and it won’t happen unless you are consistent about it. Changing too many things will wear you out. Trying a Keto or Atkins is doable once but the more sustainable alternative is to change your food habits gradually. Take smaller portions, include more fibre, have more probiotics and similar such things.

Small incremental changes are doable and sustainable.

To help give you perspective, think about your childhood and now the adult life you are leading currently – have things changed? I bet they have changed dramatically, but it happened over so many years you didn’t realise that your personality was changing every day. So create a goal and make smaller changes – take one step at a time.

And if you don’t find merit in changing things, that’s alright too. You don’t necessarily have to change your habits, sometimes you just need to change your outlook or perspective towards it. And that would strengthen your beliefs and values and define your personality – what matters to you, what gives you peace of mind, what makes you jump out of bed in the morning?

Even one small change each day would mean approximately 25-30 changes in a month

I was just wondering if we ever stop for a second to think about how our last week was, how you are doing in the current role or how your business is growing or not growing, what have you studied and what’s left to study, what we ate and didn’t eat, what stories are we consuming, how much screen time do we have in the day, how are we contributing to make this world better, are we giving back to the community?

Sometimes, it is important to unwind to perform better. We have all probably heard about the saying that sometimes you have to take one or two steps backward to pivot forward in the right direction.

So whilst we might agree that it makes sense – not most of us really do it. When have you taken some time off from whatever you have been doing to do just what you have wanted to and ALONE? Yes, that’s the key here – ALONE. Not with your spouse, not with your family or friends. Just spending time with yourself. Now you might think it’s difficult, but it isn’t – you just need to plan a day in a month or fortnight when you wanna go to some quiet place, take your arms and ammunition to amp up the fire inside you – your laptop, your diary, your headphones, your camera or your phone and some snacks and just go on a trip of self-discovery – Start in the morning and give yourself ample time to think through all of what I mentioned above and come back with a more productive self. Read, write, run, jump, exercise, click, eat do whatever you please but alone – so you have had the best company in the world you can ever get – Yourself.

Now some might say this ain’t me – ‘I can’t go alone’ or ‘I can’t eat alone’ or ‘I can’t be alone’ – sorry to break your myth, it’s just in your mind – you are always on your own, always. Period! We all have a family and friends and colleagues and social circles but we need to live our own lives and the way we want to, so it is essential we spend time with ourselves asking ourselves those big questions – ‘What we want to do’, ‘Where we want to go’, ‘How things have been so far’ and ‘If there is anything we can do to make it better.’ And if that doesn’t convince you, I just have one last question for you – If you can’t stay with yourself, how do you expect others to stay with you?

Another popular myth would be what do I do? Oh, my God! there is no dearth of things you can do and trust me it can be done, in any part of the world – go to a park, beach, temple, cafe, trek wherever you can break the monotony of your routine and somewhere you won’t be distracted

Now there are some do’s and don’ts for this to work

Do
Write your thoughts
Pen a poem
Shoot a movie
Read a book
Reduce screentime if possible
Reflect on things (office, work, business, school, people)
Be creative
Plan the entire day
Have a positive attitude
Wear comfy clothes

Don’ts
No calling anyone
No wasting time commuting a lot
No shopping
No indulgence
No sleeping
No procrastination
No cutting corners
No exploring (like a tourist)

If you work out or even if you don’t you might have heard about the concept of a recovery week when you need to rest a little to be able to perform better, this is exactly the same thing in life but yet we fail to do so and that includes me. I have said the same thing using different perspectives to stress the importance of doing it.

So don’t think, probably plan your next Sat or Sunday to take time off from your usual life, pack your bag with some essentials, choose a location (need not be just one location, can be multiple, just need to plan it better) where you can sit, relax, unwind, do some deep thinking and come back rejuvenated. Hope it helps.

Oh my god, that’s such a big lie that anyone would ever tell you. I mean who are these super-productive people who have these perfect days each day every single day. I want to know these people.

In my life of 30 years I haven’t met one so far; so I am doubtful if I would ever find this perfect person who gets up early morning, reads the newspaper, does their workout, reaches the workplace on time, gets everything done, returns home on time, cooks a good dinner, indulges in some light reading, meditates, does their nightly routine and goes off to sleep and don’t forget — they have a good night’s sleep as well without a sweat.

If you tell me that people have this well-oiled machine, I would like to meet them. I strive for this perfect day and it just doesn’t seem to happen. I am sure there are a few people who follow a good routine that includes a lot of what I mentioned above and can consistently do that too but if you’d tell me that these people are happy with their outcomes I shall have my doubts. 

Seven out of ten adults in the United States say they experience stress or anxiety daily and can’t sleep peacefully. Now, do I need to say more? I do! What I want to say is that a perfect day is a myth. No one has this amazing morning routine, equally amazing day at work and an amazing evening too. That’s the law of the universe. You can’t have it all.

I constantly juggle work and personal priorities. I forget to bring groceries on time; I drag myself out of bed in the morning (I am just not a morning person no matter how hard I try) I just never seem to complete everything I need to – the backlog never seems to end. So you end up feeling sluggish, tired, and disappointed. But if you look at the glass half full – then you’d tell me you had a great day – you took those tiny steps to move forward, you probably met a few people, you learned something from them, you probably had a new idea and that got you excited and that made your life a tad bit simpler. And I would call it a perfect day. It is not about meeting the standards set by someone else, but it is about ‘setting your own standards’ and ‘living by them each day’. 

So the message is simple – Don’t run behind having a perfect day, get meaning out of each day, add value to the work you do, derive satisfaction from that me-time you get and that’s what a perfect day is.